Welcome back to our exploration of the power of choice! Last time, we discussed how recognizing our choices helped me navigate a challenging conversation with a friend. This week, let's delve deeper into understanding where our reactions come from and how this awareness empowers us to make better choices.
When I say "better choices," I'm not implying that they are superior or inferior. Rather, these choices are better because they support the kind of life we aspire to live. They align more closely with our values and therefore, the person we want to become.
The vast majority of people are reactionary; something happens, and we react almost automatically. We don't pause to consider why or how we are reacting—we simply respond.
Our brains have been conditioned to operate this way, much like brushing our teeth in the morning or reaching for that cup of coffee—we just do it. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I wish I had done something different," or "I know exactly what I should have said"? These thoughts are common once we gain the perspective to reflect on a situation differently, AND you are not alone!
We all have triggers, rooted in our life experiences, that remind us of past painful situations. Identifying these triggers can be a crucial step in understanding our reactions.
As an brown Mexican, married to a white American, my motherhood experiennce in the park was not an easy one. I was often confused with my child's nanny and mom's at the park won't be opened to me approaching them. And when nannys knew I was the mom, I was not welcome in their group either.
This leaft me with the feeling that it was really hard to make mom friends in my neighborhood and that I was being often discriminated and then I simply stoppped trying to engaged. I kept to myself and decided that I didn't know how to make friends and couldn't make friends in my area.
There very painful memories made me shutdown to possible amazing relationships and a bias towards stay-at-home moms like the ones I met at the park. I created believes that I was not relatable, that I was not-interesting.
Many years later, some of my best friends are very white and some stay-at-home mom. My shutting down was a reaction that protected me from being hurt, but it also prevented me from the beautiful, meaninful relationships I now have. The ones tha gave me the connection I was craving.
Here are some easy steps to follow to help you discover the real source of your reactions. This is a process and it will take time, time that you will
Identifying the Trigger
Reflect on a recent moment when you felt triggered. What was the situation? Who was involved? By pinpointing the trigger, you can begin to unravel the emotions tied to it.
In my experience with mom friends, my trigger was meeting new people.
Exploring the Underlying Beliefs
Often, our reactions stem from deep-seated beliefs and past experiences. Ask yourself, "Why did I react this way?" and "What does this remind me of?" By examining these questions, you can uncover the root of your response.
Try using a journal to explore and answer all these questions. You might discover things you never knew.
Following the same example, with the experiences I had, I decided I was not relatable and didn't have anything interesting to say. Basedd on that decision, I kept finding evidence of it over the years, wihch cimented that into my beliefe system.
Mindful Awareness
Practice mindfulness to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This awareness creates the space for you to choose your response consciously rather than reacting impulsively.
There are multiple ways to practice midfulness, this week, try to focus on simply noticing your thoughts. Particularly in moments when you feel trigger.
With this new knowledge, I now take my time when I meet new people to breath and be present, relalizing that this is not the same people or the same time as years ago. I know my automatic reaction and understand I have a choice.
Empowering Choice
Once you understand your triggers and underlying beliefs, you can choose how to respond. You hold the power to shift your perspective and make decisions that align with your values.
I now go and engage in conversation when I see new people. Sometimes, the conversation goes nowhere and that is OK. Other times, the conversation turns into connection that generates deep, fulfilling friendships.
Regardless of the outcome, I know it if not that there is something wrong with me or I am uninteresting. Sometimes, we click and sometimes we don't, but I make a conscious decision to engage ... or not!
Conclusion
Remember, every reaction is an opportunity to learn about yourself and grow. By understanding the source of your reactions, you empower yourself to make choices that lead to a more fulfilling life.
Until next time, stay mindful and keep exploring the power of choice!
Where will you chose to go next time you are trigger?
Aida Mosier Life Coach / Mentora de Vida Reader It's the last few months of the year, what are you doing to finish strong? There is still time to join. Come and do a FREE 30 days Challenge to Reset your Health and Wealth. Sign up HERE We'll take small steps every day to create long lasting change. Small live videos everyday, or watch the replays with actionable items for you to hit the reset button. It is not New Year's but there is never a better time than today to go after what you want....
Aida Mosier Life Coach / Mentora de Vida Reader It's the last few months of the year, what are you doing to finish strong? Come and do a FREE 30 days Challenge to Reset your Health and Wealth We'll take small steps every day to create long lasting change. Small live videos everyday, or watch the replays with actionable items for you to hit the reset button. It is not New Year's but there is never a better time than today to go after what you want. Are you ready? Starts October 13 at 12:30PM...
Aida Mosier Life Coach / Mentora de Vida Reader Embracing the Unknown: Overcoming Fear to Achieve Your Dreams In the journey of pursuing our dreams, sometimes we just need to slow down—not because we’re stuck, but because we need to take a breath, get our thoughts together, and figure out what the next step really is. But what happens when that “slow down” isn’t by choice? When fear, or maybe even full-on panic, hits out of nowhere? How do you know if it’s time to take a real pause to...