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Have you ever been told you are inflexible or have called someone inflexible? We use this phrase very often, but we are not being literal, we are talking thoughts and believes. We become inflexible when we know what is good, what is the right way to do things, when we even WANT to be right, no matter the consequence.

The truth is, so many times, we don't even think about the consequences, we just want to prove someone wrong. This is what makes inflexible, after all, inflexibility is no more than the unwillingness to change or compromise, the inability to bent; stiffness.

So, when we are inflexible in our relationship, it means we are not willing to put ourselves in the shoes of our partner. It can be as simple as when you wash dishes, you do it with cold water, soap is put in a small dish with water, Clorox and a piece of lime, do one dish at a time with the water from the small dish and then rise. If you are thinking you are crazy ... that is that inflexibility talking, and you didn't even know it.

Maybe for you, when washing dishes by hand means to put some soap in the sink and fill it with warm water, put all the dishes in it and then rinse them.

There is no right or wrong way to do the dishes, just different ways. But the important thing is not how to wash the dishes, but can we allow ourselves to be curious, to see how the other person is doing this task and why is he doing it that way?

Flexibility is nothing but curiosity, when we are curious about our partner's ways, their believes, we get to know them better. We understand them better, we know they are not doing things to annoy us (most of the time), but because they simply learned to do it in a different way.

When we are flexible, we can find middle ground. You are able to compromise and find a solution that works for both without sacrificing the relationship.

How can I be more flexible?

It is not overnight, even though sometimes we really would love it to be that. But you have to be first aware that you are being inflexible.

Is there one thing in particular that really annoys you when your partner does it? (Hello unmet expectations!) If you are able to visualize it, could you be curious about why he does it? When did he learn to do it? who taught him? And once you know the answers, I would recommend you journal about it and then answer the question:

Is this really worth getting upset? If not, can I let it go and accept this? If it is worth getting upset, can we compromise?

Remember than compromising in a relationship is not weakness, but a willingness to allow both partners to be who they are. Simply modifying behaviors and believes to create a better life.

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